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Purpose or Paralysis

Have you ever felt drawn to something?

Ok, so not necessarily a some’thing’ but perhaps more accurately a some’what’? It’s the some’what’ that inspires and energizes you whenever you do it. It wakes you up at night with thoughts and ideas. Plagues your thoughts throughout the day. It comes with voices like “I really want to...” Sometimes the voice is emphatic and sounds more like “I really need to....”

You long to try. To be. To do.

It’s a desire in your soul that when acted upon fills you up and reminds you of purpose in your very being. And most likely gives deeper meaning to your story. Maybe it’s your “A-ha!”

Most often, it can be identified as purpose.

If you’re tracking with me so far, or even if you have just the smallest inkling of what I’m talking about, then let me ask you a question. Are you pursuing that purpose or has some form of paralysis (even if it’s subtle and relatively silent) strong-armed you into avoidance of the pursuit of whatever your some’what’ is? I ask because lately I feel like I have one foot in purpose and the other in paralysis. I feel drawn and at times compelled to write, to teach, to help. For the most part I even know the path and subject matter; the way to each. And while I engage in these ‘whats’ frequently (which is why your reading this now), much of the time lately I feel sort of paralyzed to act upon them. I’ve asked myself “What IS your deal?!” I’ve considered distraction, depression, fear, procrastination and downright laziness as potential culprits. (If I’m being honest, laziness can sometimes be found at the helm.)

But the more I explore each of these possible suspects, the more I keep coming back to this: in order to truly make an impact through the avenues where I feel drawn; made for; I first need to understand more of me and a willingness to explore the hard things; challenging things; hurtful things about my story. And then be vulnerable enough to share them. And with that, the fears I hold inside. The possibility of rejection or failure. Or both. And more. Or worst of all, putting it (me) out there only to have none of it make a difference. To be left asked by myself “what was the point?”

(Gulp. Double gulp.)

Yet today as I write this, what I’ve come to realize is that none of these peddlers of paralysis are stronger than the regret I will feel if I don’t do the very things I believe I am made and meant to do. If I don’t take the chances, I’m guaranteed to make absolutely no difference in this world at all.

A lesson that is deepening as I see a loved one’s health failing and with it I see that time is precious and we must do whatever we can to make the most of it and have the most impact on this world, for the good of it and those in it.

In spite of her challenges and fears, she continues to do this every day. She’s teaching me this and she doesn’t even know it.

I see the impact she has made on so many in our family and that will last for generations to come.

I want to be like her when I grow up.

So today, in spite of the challenges and fears I will face, I won’t waste another minute on any of the demons that seek to paralyze me into submission. I may be clumsy and often I will persist with fear or pain or possibly both as my companions. But with God’s help and guidance, I will persist nonetheless.

I may fail at times. But I will fail well.

And I will try again.

So, where are you today on the road between purpose and paralysis? What are your road blocks, your peddlers of paralysis and what do you need to remove them. Often times, it’s as simple as deciding to go on in spite of them. (I said simple, not easy.) Today I pray your purpose(s) are revealed to you and that in spite of not knowing what the journey toward them holds, you embark upon it anyway. I hope to see you on the road. Perhaps we can offer each other a little encouragement along the way.

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